F*** dating apps

3min read

As discussed in my first entry of my “F*** X” series of posts, we are motivated by a combination of intrinsic and extrinsic rewards that encourage us to spend our valuable time on certain activities rather than others.

Companies are not people, they’re not your friend. If they could murder you, without getting caught, and sell your organs for profit, they would. Money is what motivates companies to do what they do.

Keep this in mind when you decide to rely on a company to provide you with something you “need” or really want.

Love has become extremely difficult to come by in the past two years due to COVID shutting down everything (including speed dating events…).

Dating apps were already ubiquitous but they’re now the only effective way for single, and ready to pringle, people to meet each other.

Dating apps are toxic because they’re owned by companies who seek to profit from you for as long as possible.

They’re not incentivized to have you turn on the app and instantly meet the love of your life. That would be amazing for you! Buuuuuuuut they wouldn’t make any money from that.

They need as many active users as possible (this means that they need to offer their ~services~ for ~free~) and they to keep these users in their ecosystem for as long as possible while giving them ample opportunities to spend money.

It’s much more profitable for dating apps to keep you stuck in a vicious cycle:

  1. You feel like shit for being alone and not meeting enough people.
  2. The app’s algorithm shows you off to enough people and, eventually, someone takes the plunge on meeting you in person.
  3. It’s not impossible but it’s unlikely that you’re going to meet someone you click with (there are many people that you might find physically attractive who are unlikely to be suitable long-term partners for you).
  4. You feel like human trash and so there’s a small chance that you spend some of your money on the app to encourage the algorithm to show you off to more people (it’s a small chance but with enough desperate people using your app, this is a goldmine).
  5. Rinse and repeat from step 1.


You guessed it! This is a Skinner Box.

This is why I hate dating apps.

They’re not built to serve you, they’re built to make you suffer. Keeping you hooked with a drip feed of pretty pictures to swipe on and, if you’re lucky, some dates and, if you win the lottery, a long-term partner.

If dating apps could build a perfect algorithm that would match you up with someone who is absolutely perfect for you, they would have no incentive to actually use this algorithm.

They would use it to make sure that you’re always matched with people you’re unlikely to become long-term partners with, increasing the probability that you’ll be stuck in the dating app ecosystem for as long as possible.

The game is rigged and the only way to win a rigged game, is to stop playing.

I’m not playing the dating app game and I’m much happier for it. But I can’t deny that there’s few other ways to meet people right now.

Bachelors like me need to make a choice. Do we suffer through the hell that is dating apps in hopes of getting lucky and finding a perfect match? Or, do we decide to not play the game at all and have an even tinier chance of finding someone to love?

For the past two years, I’ve decided to not participate in the dating app game and I plan to continue doing that.

But, for how long?

Will I always be satisfied being single?

I don’t know. All I know is that I f*cking hate dating apps.

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