The Odyssey Book 1-7: Two Soy Boy Beta Cucks becoming men (again)

3min read
This is a "ramble" blog post, it's sort of like a public journal with less structured and more experimental (read: bad) writing. Don't take it too seriously.

The story of the Odyssey begins with Telemachus, the son of Odysseus, being a soy boy beta cuck. The men vying for the hand of his mother Penelope treat him like shit. Odysseus’s long absence has created a power vacuum in Ithaca and many suitors are now waiting in line to court and wed Penelope.

Telemachus attempts to become less of a soy boy beta cuck by becoming more of a misogynist and treating his exceptionally beautiful and intelligent mother like crap.

Penelope exists and is a woman.

“Shut the fuck up Mother! Stay in your lane and let me do my job.” - Soy Boy #2

With the help of the goddess Athena and his most faithful servant Eurycleia, he departs on a journey to find his long lost father.

Telemachus travels the sea, with some suitors following in hot pursuit, and meets with Menelaus, the king of Sparta, and Nestor, king of Pylos. Given that these men knew of his father and his feats during the siege of Troy, Telemachus thought that they might be able to give him news of his father. They don’t really?

The story now shifts over to Odysseus… What has our hero Odysseus been doing for the past seven years?

“Youuuuu waaaant toooo bee immmortaaaaal Odysseus? Then, fuck me you little bitch.” - Calypso

“Yes, mam.” - Soy Boy #1

Well… Odysseus has spent most of his time doing two things:

crying and…

fucking Calypso… usually at the same time.

Odysseus is homesick, and probably depressed. Serial rapist Zeus takes pity on Odysseus and tells Sonic Hermes to ask Calypso to let go of Odysseus. Despite being immortal, possessing powerful magic and being canonically super sexy, Calypso can’t risk offending the almighty Zeus and so she lets Odysseus go.

Odysseus, as a master builder (he built the Trojan horse after all), builds a raft out of driftwood and sets off on his quest to return home.

Zero Chill Poseidon is pissed at Odysseus and sends wave after wave crashing into him.

“Sooooooooo I made you this scarf… Can you wear it for me? It’ll keep you safe I sweeeeeear.” - Ino

“I don’t know about this… But OK.” - Soy Boy #1

Odysseus survives Poseidon’s wrath with Ino’s help, and, eventually, reaches the shore of the Phaeacians.

Naked, and ashamed of his manliness, Odysseus covers himself with leaves before appearing before Nausicaa, the princess of the Phaeacians. Athena compels her to help Odysseus despite the circumstances.

She brings him to her father Alcinous. They welcome Odysseus with open arms, feast with him and send him on his way with everything he needs to find his way back home.

And hopefully, along the way, he’ll become less of a soy boy beta cuck. Only time will tell.

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